paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
