there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
