You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
