then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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