I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
