I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
