wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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