I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
