lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
