I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
