Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
