just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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