His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
