I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
