my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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