i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
