Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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