I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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