Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Randomize
