I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
