Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
