I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
