I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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