ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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