No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
