Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
