Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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