Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
