I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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