come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
