going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
