I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
