Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
