I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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