I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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