They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
