what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
