He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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