I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
