i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
