so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
