I am puke
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
