last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
