census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
