Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
