Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
