when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
