i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
