I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
