They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
