Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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