dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We got so high we made milksteak
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
