Hey man sorry I got all grabby
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
