Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
