either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
