I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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