Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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