I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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