can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
