I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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