DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The feeling are messing with the penis
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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