He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
