Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
