my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
