fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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